HEROES Fitz's Part 2

Okay, so had to save my favorite half of the Fitz post for second. It's hard to write this one because I don't want to think about having to say goodbye to her in 3 days. (And thinking about her just makes me think of having to say bye to her)

But, here goes my attempt...

LORI:
AKA LoLo.
(I have called her this for pretty much as long as I've known her, and I'm pretty sure I got it from the 2 year old version of Tierra Blake.)

Lori was the first person I met at Antioch Church, and talk about a good first impression. She was so sweet to me, and I really thought she was believable.

She proved that right.

Lori is the single most [genuinely] kind person I have ever known.
I've been friends with her for over 7 years and have never seen her treat anyone rudely, or be "fake nice" to anyone.
She is a true Christ follower, a Proverbs 31 wife, an incredible mom, & faithful friend.

She is the poster child for consistency.
I've always known I could count on her to be there for me.
She has prayed with me, fought for me, encouraged me, and been my favorite lunch date partner. She has sent me cards in the mail just to tell me she believes in me. She has celebrated my birthday every year like I was a part of her family.
She has made me feel like I can conquer the world.

Lori is an eternal optimist. I love this about her, and sometimes it drives me a little crazy.
(only because I am not eternally optimistic haha).
For every problem or annoyance she can find the positives, and a solution.
And so far, she hasn't steered me wrong. :)

When Lori is in your life, she's in it for the long haul. She is a relationship builder, and a maintainer. I can't recall a time where she hasn't been a key part of my life here, or any season of my life she hasn't been involved in. She has walked with me every step since day one, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without her in it.

Lori is the perfect example of how to mentor people. In the process of raising me up to be who I am meant to be, she became one of my greatest friends. She has shaped me into the person I am today, and I couldn't be more thankful to have a friend like her.
I text her more than anyone other than my husband & sister, laugh with her until we cry, dream about the future, and obsess over Disney Channel Sitcoms (BA BAM!).
She make me feel like a priority to her, and loves me almost as much as I love her. (Just don't think she could actually love me quite as much as I her)

Heroes stick with you & catch you every time you're falling. They don't have to be everywhere at once, they just have to be fully engaged wherever they are.

I love you, LoLo.

PLUG:
Just this past weekend, Shaun & Lori became the Young Adults directors at Antioch Church. And as much as the timing of this makes me sad, I couldn't be happier.
And I can't think of ANYONE better for the "job".
I encourage you if you are a young adult in the KC area, and especially if you are at Antioch Church; get involved with The Rising. These people will literally "love the junk" out of you.

HEROES - Fitz's Part 1

Okay, so it's no secret to anyone that I love Shaun, Lori & their kids.
They probably know it better than anyone, because I try to make sure these kinds of things don't go unsaid.

However, I figured I would share some of the reasons why they are my heroes.
(I was going to post them both in one, but that was becoming REALLY long, so this will be a 2 part post).


SHAUN:

Shaun was on staff at Master's Commission my first year; & has been a pastor, mentor & source of encouragement since day 1 of my life in Kansas City. (Actually, I didn't like him the first day I met him...so, maybe since day 2)

Shaun is compassionate. In fact, I would say he is the most compassionate person I know. He doesn't feel for you, he feels WITH you. He has kindness in his eyes & his heart bleeds when he speaks.
He is one of the most genuine people I know.

I have had a lot of amazing leaders in my life, but there is something very different about Shaun.
He is the first male leader I trusted to let be in my life (who wasn't already in it) since Junior High. I didn't ever tell him anything about what I had gone through, but he knew how to love me through all of it anyway.

There have been a lot of instances where Shaun has encouraged me, prayed with me, made me cry, & kicked my butt when I was being a punk.

There is one particular instance that literally changed the way I lived my life...

The night of my first year graduation some majorly hurtful things all came rushing to the surface.
You ever have one of those moments where something you thought you were "over" just hits you?
I had a moment. A big moment... Shaun "just happened" to be there in that moment.

I had just finished singing my last song, and honestly it was awful. I was starting to cry and everyone was pity affirming me (haha); not knowing my crying had nothing to do with the song. Shaun came over to me knowing there was something more, and put his arms around me. I spent a good solid 30 minutes just sobbing. I couldn't say anything at all, and all I could feel was pain. He didn't say anything for the longest time; he just cried with me.

Then he began praying for me, & I honestly don't remember most of the prayer. I do remember him saying negative things that had been spoken over me by other people and replacing them with truth.

Then he repeatedly asked God to show me how valuable I was. To this day I can hear him saying over and over again, "You're so valuable, Melissa".

That was a pivotal moment for me.
I wouldn't dare say that I wasn't loved or hadn't had that love expressed to me all my life, but I don't recall the specific word "valuable" being spoken over me. That word was extremely significant for a lot of reasons.
I always knew I was called by God, I knew I loved Him, I knew He loved me...but I didn't believe I was valued.
This was the first time I truly HEARD & BELIEVED it.

I had been believing the lies that the negative voices & circumstances had spoken for years without even realizing.
He didn't rush anything, he let God take His time with me in that moment, and that moment literally changed my life.
I didn't think, talk or act the same after. I have never again questioned my value to God. Never.

Heroes don't have to be bulletproof;
in fact, the best kind of heroes are the ones who bleed with you.

[...Just wait until I tell ya about Lori...]


...to be continued...

HEROES Part 1 -Megan Munro

I thought it was time for me to write a little bit more, but I don't feel like I have much to say about me. So, I wanted to change the focus of my blog to other people. I'm going to start with a series of my "Heroes", and we'll see what happens from there!!


So here goes part 1 of "HEROES"



Heroes don't have to wear capes, scale walls or fly faster than a speeding bullet.

They just set an example of someone you can aspire to be.

And sometimes, they catch you when you're falling.

I'm thankful for all the heroes in my life.



When it comes to Heroes, the first person who comes to mind is my sister Megan.

(Yes, gentlemen, she IS single. And if you feel like changing that status, you have to pass my extensive background check...you think I'm joking...)

Megan is my big sister by 16 months. We function like twins - talk the same, speak in code, similar mannerisms; but we are also TOTAL opposites...& I love it that way.

Here are just a few of the reasons why she is one of my heroes:

My sister can talk to anyone. She is fearless. In fact, there have been times I've wished she would stop talking to someone because I am, well...NOT fearless. No one is a stranger to her for long. She knows how to make people feel special, and can get anyone to open up to her. She doesn't disregard what someone is saying if it seems "off"...she finds the solution & brings correction in LOVE. She's not afraid to tell it like it is, (trust me I know that better than anyone).

She loves orphans.

I'm not just talking about the ones you see on the streets. She has a heart for anyone that has been used & abandoned; and she knows how to shower them with love. She fights for justice, and speaks for those who can't speak for themselves. She embodies James 1:27. TRUE RELIGION. (I'll leave it at that...;) ha)

She doesn't look like what she's been through. That's the reason most of all that I admire her. Someday, I'm sure she will be sharing her story with the world, and the world will be shocked and amazed. She has "LOOK WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE" written all over her. I'm so proud of everything she has allowed Him to do in her!

She is the coolest Aunt EVER.

London adores her, cries for her, requests to call her every day, stares at her pictures, won't let anyone sit on our guest bed because to him it's "Megan's bed", and says he is "Megan's boy". Sometimes he even calls me Megan.

She is my best friend for LIFE.

I remember September 11th, 2001 like it was yesterday. I was sleeping on my couch/bed/horribly uncomfortable futon when the phone rang. I didn't move. My mom left a message on the answering machine: "Meg, Miss...it's mom...wake up...turn on the t.v. right now"...

...

April 7th, 2001, I was on a bus with 60 or so other students heading for a field trip to the World Trade Center & the United Nations. I remember that trip so vividly...the towers were so big that I almost fell over just trying to look up at them. Overall my life felt as full of endless possibilities as those towers. Little did I know that day would end with a blow I never saw coming…

Ross & Elaine Munro were separating. This news didn’t make national headlines, but if you knew my family, you knew it was nothing short of devastating. It shook the very core of my being until my life felt like it was seconds away from collapsing. Everything I knew of life was ripped out from under me. Everything was going to be different, and no matter what I did I was never going to change what happened that day. The next several months of my life were nothing short of chaos.

...

...I fumbled around in search of my remote that sunny, not a cloud in the sky, East Coast September morning. I was irritated to be awake, and numb to feeling alive. I turned on the news to feel that sinking feeling everyone in the nation felt - nothing was going to be the same. I sat in shock and horror as the north tower burned, I gasped as the south tower was struck and we realized this was no accident. My sister and I periodically looked out the window when planes sounded low (we lived 18 miles from the Philadelphia Airport, so that was a lot). We watched both towers collapse. I felt like the whole world was collapsing with those towers. They had served as a painful reminder to me of a day I was never going to get back; now they became the same to an entire nation.

That day marked a spiritual awakening in my life. I wanted to live for more than my pain…I wanted to fight even though I felt like I had nothing left to give. I gave the broken pieces of my life to God that day, the ones I had been trying to fix on my own. I was ready for Him to rebuild me.

On September 11th, 2004, I found myself boarding a plane I questioned getting on. I was scared out of my mind; so much so that I nearly called my mom 50 times to come pick me up. I wasn't afraid of any man or machine, I was making the biggest decision of my life and I was about to bail. I made at least 5 trips to the bathroom to get sick, during the last one finding myself making a plea to God for a sign that I was doing the right thing. (He gave it to me, but that is a whole other story). It was around 8:30am in the morning that my flight took off for Kansas City. The sky was reminiscent of that early morning 3 years ago; so blue, clear & full of sunshine.

I felt like my life was just beginning on that anniversary of such horrible endings. The past 3 years had been a whirlwind of gutting out the broken pieces of my life. Those pieces were gone, but never forgotten.

I stepped off the plane into a world I had never experienced before. I had never felt so much peace about anything in my life, & I never once questioned if it was the right move. I felt full of the same feeling I had when I visited the towers 3 1/2 years earlier - overwhelming possibility. It was a new beginning.

God has spent these last 10 years rebuilding my life in too many ways to articulate. He has used so many people to impact my life along the way and believe in me in ways I never thought possible. Those people have become the every day heroes in my story. They have helped pull me from the wreckage, and walked me through to new life. I will never be the same.

Out of death God has rebuilt my life into something completely new. I will never forget 9/11. Never, ever, ever.

Tonight I am having an evening at home alone.

While most in my shoes would welcome this occasion, I am really not too fond of the idea. I enjoyed my time of being single and childless, but I don't miss those days one bit. I look forward all week to spending Friday night with Mike, so I threw a bit of a pity-party when I realized I would be spending it with Hunter (that dog who got me a ticket) instead.

After I ate my can of worms (still don't understand that expression), I started to look to the positives of spending this night just me and my dog. I try to look for the best in every hangout situation I have, seeing what I can learn from the person I am with. What character traits do they have that I am lacking in? What would my life look like if I was more like them in (fill in the blank) area?

Call me crazy, but I think I just learned more from my dog than I ever expected.

If I could be more like Hunter:

I would love people even if they didn't love me back.

I would accept people for who they are, and not judge them for what they appear to be.

I would enjoy creation more.

I would be able to fall asleep in 20 seconds or less.

I would try something that scares me, even if everyone told me not to.

I would face my giants, even if they are rottweilers and I'm just a runt.

I would forgive people in 10 seconds.

I would like the taste of tap water.

I would fight for the safety of others, even if I had to die trying.

I would be happy to live anywhere, as long as my family is with me.

I would not be a picky eater.

I would run like there's no stopping me.

I would probably do something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMDlZHdKMqk


Happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy your night no matter what situation you find yourself in. Don't do anything my dog wouldn't do!

-Mel

you know that person in a group of people that always gets drowned out by everyone else talking?

you know, the soft spoken one that no one stops to listen to answer a question or share their thoughts.

it's the one you can only hear if you sit really close to them and move your ear really close so they can talk right to you...

the one you sometimes get frustrated with because you have to tune everyone else out in order to listen to them.

Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated when you can't hear God?

you know, the One that always gets drowned out by everyone else talking?

you know, the still small voice you don't stop to listen to answer your questions because you're too busy sharing your thoughts?

the One you can only hear if you sit at His feet and turn your heart to Him so He can talk right to you...

the One you sometimes get frustrated with because you have to tune everyone else out in order to listen to Him.

Take time to listen for the voice that speaks in the silence!

Best Friends

This is what best friends look like.

London is absolutely obsessed with his Dad. All day long he talks about him and looks for him in the house. He's the first person he asks for when he wakes up, and the only person he wants to put him to bed. He screams in delight when he comes in the door, and cries the saddest tears when he has to leave.

He is 100% a daddy's boy, and I think that's just how it should be. I love it!

"practice" makes perfectly dangerous

Yoga. A term that splits people down the middle. They love it, they hate it...they hate to love it, they love to hate it...

I started doing yoga shortly after I had London. It was a way I could exercise without exerting too much energy (since we all know how hard that is to do after having a baby). I had never really known much about yoga, and the workouts I had been doing didn't focus on the spiritual aspects of the "practice"...they were more cardio based "weight loss programs". I'd like to say I am a pretty smart person, but I was really naive to everything that is tied along with yoga.

Until this summer.

One day right around youth conference I noticed my foot was hurting in a strange way. I could not pinpoint how I had hurt it...I hadn't done any kind of intense cardio recently or felt my ankle roll or anything. It didn't feel like I pulled a muscle and yet it didn't feel broken, it just hurt REALLY bad. The only thing I had done recently was yoga, but had never hurt myself before while doing it.

The second morning of youth conference it hurt so bad I could barely stand. I asked my sister to pray for me, and after she finished she said, "You might want to think about the whole yoga thing".

And that's where my Holy Spirit awakening began towards the spiritual ties of yoga.

I began to think about it, and noticed the more I had done yoga, the more I liked yoga. Not a bad concept when it comes to exercise, but the nature of my liking felt strange. Sometimes I would find myself feeling guilty for feeling so good after I finished. I suppose I had played it off as having something to do with my warring church programmed mindset of "anything that feels good has to be bad".

I noticed the real problem became when I battled whether or not I needed to give it up. Nothing in our lives should be too big a sacrifice compared to the cross, and something that seemed so "small" in my mind was holding a little more power than I had realized.

Then I began to research the connection between "yoga and spirituality", and found the results to be frightening. I am going to share some of them with you and point out that these are NOT written by Christian authors.

Below is an except from pathstopower.net entitled "Yoga & Spirituality":

"I had an urge to write this article seeing how yoga is being degraded to simple flexibility training and how yoga’s popularity is being used to sell practically anything...
Yoga and Spirituality are inseparable. Yoga is an ancient teaching that helps the persistent practitioner to achieve the spiritual enlightment. By no means it consists of a set of exercise routine only.
Yoga is comprehensive system, a way of thinking, a way of living our everyday lives...
Yoga played an important role in my life providing insights and answering the numerous questions that I had hard time to find answers to.
The Eastern occultism entered my life when I was 20 years old. I was lucky enough to find the book of Mabel Collins “Light on the path and through the gates of gold” in the country where the books on spirituality and religion were not published..."

Here is another, more unsettling except from a teaching by Sri Chimnoy (http://www.writespirit.net/spirituality/meditation/yoga_and_spirituality) . It is more frightening because it refers to the connection between yoga and "God". Linked in the article is on the webpage is his definition of "God". I have taken the liberty to take the capital out of his "G" below, since I know he is NOT referring to my God - the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob, and I refuse to let HIM be watered down to a "mindset".):

"I have come here to be of service to the seekers of the highest truth. There are many seekers here. Some are beginners, others have started walking, others are a little advanced and running along the spiritual path. Spirituality is a vast field. You can regard spirituality as a body. Inside the body is the heart. Yoga is the heart of the spiritual body.
Yoga is a Sanskrit word. It means union with god. This union is a conscious union. We are all united with god but we are not aware of it. When we practice Yoga, we become conscious of our union with god.
Why practice Yoga? ...We want to practice Yoga in order to be satisfied. If we are sincere to ourselves, we know that we have everything except satisfaction. Some seekers feel that everything in life has meaning only when god comes first. They feel that god is the root. When they become one with the root, the source, then everything has meaning and everything is satisfaction. The practice of Yoga can lead us to this goal...
... Real Yoga will never ask us to renounce the world. We have to accept, transform and divinise the world and bring perfect Perfection onto this earth."

The word of God tells us the exact opposite in Romans 12:2 -Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.


I found that in my struggle with giving up yoga it has become an "idol". That in and of itself is dangerous enough, but add in all the spiritual elements, and I simply cannot allow this "practice" to be in my life.

Hebrews 12:1 -Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

You still may look at this and think it's "no big deal", but I am choosing to "strip off that weight" and not allow it to slow me down.

...So goodbye downward dog, cobra, awkward airplane, and warrior 1,2 &3. I'm over you. You don't belong in my life, and your names are pretty stupid anyway. :)

driving without a license(d)...dog?

Ok, so anyone who knows me well knows this to be true:

my life is hilarious.

To give all the examples of how and why would take up a lot of space and time, but get to know me and you will get to laugh a lot. Not because I am hilarious, but because my life is one big ball of irony and chaos I have learned to laugh at and use to amuse others.
Here is my story today: (It actually didn't start today, but seems to be the neverending strangest saga of events)

REWIND TO MARCH, 2010.

I take that back...rewind to February, 2009.

Mike and I moved to a townhome at a complex I will leave nameless. Our next door neighbors on the right side (if you're in the house facing the front door) are hermits. Either that or they are always out...in any event, I never see them. I do know they have a BEAGLE named Hunter. If that isn't irony...(if you don't know the story about our non-beagle Hunter, ask me.)

But those neighbors aren't the point. The one's on the other side are the ones significant to this story. (Ok, maybe only slightly...but they just add to it). These neighbors are Wiccans. They have creepy windchimes, the man wears those "cool" t-shirts with the "cool" phrases on them, they have a furry dog that seems to only live in the backyard and appears to have no eyes, they have bumper stickers about the moon and earth and something about eating dragons. (Or maybe it was about dragons eating people). To say these neighbors were unfriendly would be the understatement of all understatements. (Let's just say every time I tried talking to them I feared they were going to eat me or perhaps send out their dragon to get the job done).

Well, one day the Wiccan's moved away. (And the peasants rejoiced...)

They were replaced by a family with 2 kids. Seemed nice enough. They decorated for every holiday and were fairly quiet. I was very happy to have nice, peacekeeping neighbors. I had no problems with them at all.

Not until March 2010, that is.

I am sleeping in my bed and hear a knock (make that banging) on the door. I look out my window and see "OVERLAND PARK POLICE". I figure this is probably one of those instances where I should answer the door, so I throw on a hoodie and make my way to the door with Hunter. I look through the peephole of the door and notice the Police car says "Animal Control". I am figuring this might be some sort of mistake, seeing as how Hunter is in my arms, and had been with me all morning.
I set Hunter down and open the door, the officer asks me to step outside. She tells me she got a call regarding an abandoned dog. She tells me the neighbor said the dog was "thin" and "malnutrition-ed". She asks me if I feed him. I tell her I feed the dog plenty. (My mind is thinking about how this dog eats not only the dog food I constantly keep in his bowl, but also everything from dirty diapers to whole sandwiches off someones plate.) She asks me to put him on a leash and bring him outside. After looking him over she says "Oh, he looks normal for a Rat Terrier".

[Whew! Great, I can go inside now.]

Nope. She begins to ask me how long I have had him, how old he is, how long I've lived in my townhome. She asks me if he is licensed, and I respond "Umm, I don't know?" So she asks to see mine. (By this I mean my driver's license). She tells me to wait inside until she is done (it is cold outside, mind you). She comes back about 5 minutes later and hands me a piece of paper.
Not just any piece of paper. A ticket paper. A $71 ticket paper.

Because my dog doesn't have a license.

Here I am, perfect record...no tickets, no accidents, no laws broken...being ticketed for my dog not having a license. The ticket comes fully equipped with an optional court date should you decide to plead not guilty. She tells me I have 3o days to license the dog, (which costs only $10) but the ticket applies no matter what. She tells me to have a nice day. (I wanted to tell her the neighbors kids were looking a little thin too...)

Now, this is all pretty ridiculous if you ask me. And if you knew mine and Hunter's relationship you would understand a little better how ironic this is that he got me my first ticket.

Okay, now it's August 2010.

The dog license has long been paid for along with the ticket.

Then something comes in the mail. It's a long letter from the court and an attorney saying how they have made a motion and are holding me in Indirect Contempt. I knew that couldn't be good, and had to look up what that meant. Then I tried to figure out why in the world I was supposed to be at court in the first place. I read the violation code and realize this has something to do with the dog ticket. I call the next day to see if I need to come down. I told them I paid it months ago...they have no record of it. They tell me there's a warrant out for my arrest. (Mike thinks this is hilarious...I lock Mike out of the room.)
Then they correct themselves, "I'm sorry, there isn't a warrant out for your arrest...if you miss another court date there will be". I find out I mysteriously missed 3 court dates for a violation that had been paid months earlier. I go there the next day and pay the dog ticket AGAIN, even though I have a record of the first time I paid it. I just want the whole thing to be done. They assure me that the case is closed.

2 days ago my doorbell rings. (I don't live in that same townhome anymore.) Guess who it is? Yep. POLICE -ANIMAL CONTROL. (I want to open the door and tell them to check on my new neighbor's underground daycare...) They told me they didn't have a record of the dog being licensed still. He just so happens to be wearing his city dog tag. No ticket this time. Just a misunderstanding... again. We're both going through life with our licenses.

So, if you are one to drive with your dog with you in the car, make sure you both have your license on you. It just might save you a whole lot of money if you ever get pulled over. Or if you're like me, it could also save you a whole lot of money if you never do.

God bless Hunter.

I need to blog more often. I find that when I want to write something, I get overwhelmed because I feel as though I have too much to say, that I can't say anything. It's a sick cycle I get myself stuck in!

So here's my attempt:

...

see? fail. ugh.

perhaps I will try tomorrow?

...or maybe 3 months from now...

London is 1! Can you believe it? I hardly can! It has been such a fun year with such a funny, care free baby...he is seriously so content!



So excited for this to FINALLY be happening! Let me tell ya, it has been such a labor of love - as well has tears through this process! I am really really excited to see what God is going to do through this project and these songs. Every song was written or chosen through a lot of prayer, and these songs are truly heart cries to God. If you are in the area I really encourage you to come out on June 2nd!!

Crazy to think that in just a little over a week we will set out on the road! What a crazy adventure this summer is going to be! I can't wait!!!!

i am convinced of this:

sisters make the best friends.

Today...

london is 8 months old...what???????

ashley & derek left for aussie land... so excited for them but i am going to miss them so much!

God is sovereign, Jesus is enough.

...and that's about all i've got to say :)

i want to be the one.

“I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap in the wall so I wouldn’t have to destroy the land, but I found no one." Ezekiel 22:30

When I heard one of my pastors read this verse the other night it hit me...HARD. This may be one of the saddest scriptures in the whole Bible to me. Here is God searching the entire nation of Israel for just 1 person to stand in the gap...one person to save the nation by the way they lived their life, by their prayers. All He needed was someone, not everyone...but He found NO ONE.

Too often we overlook verses like this thinking that it meant no one was living for God...no one loved Him or prayed to Him or even talked a lot about Him. We think we have nothing in common with these kinds of stories.

But if we search deep down inside to face the haunting question, the ugly truth is we aren't truly standing in the gap either. I'm not saying we don't love Him or pray to Him, or even talk a lot about Him...but are we willing to be there when HE NEEDS US? When our nation needs us? When God searches our nation for someone to stand in the gap will He say, "I found no one"? I believe He IS searching, and I want Him to find me. I want to be ready.

The words to this song has been resonating in my heart since Wednesday night:

"I will be the one who worships
With all of my attention
I want to be the one You're looking for
Are You looking for someone to love You?
Know my heart is with You
I want to be the one You're looking for

When we're finally face to face
All I want to hear You say
Is I have been the one You're looking for" ("I Call You Jesus", Frontline)

when He is seeking, will I be what He is looking for?

Ever just have one of "those" days?

Ever have those times when you think "why me?"

Ever think "I'm not good enough"?


I guarantee you have...but maybe you haven't. And I can almost guarantee you totally misunderstood me.

I'm having one of those days
where I wonder "why me"
I'm not good enough...

One of those days when I realize how incredibly blessed I am, and how much I don't deserve it. I have been crying a lot today, not out of sadness, but an overall appreciation for my life and everyone and everything in it. Crying for other people who don't have all I have been blessed with. Wishing the whole world could know what it feels like to be me...not for pity's sake, but because it feels really great to be me.

I bet that line made you uncomfortable. It would have made me feel a little uncomfortable to say at one time, but I'm done trying to feel sorry for myself and make the whole world feel sorry for me too. What is wrong with loving being me? NOTHING. And you need to love being you too!

Every moment of the day isn't rainbows and butterflies, but I am so thankful for my life. Today when Michael came home from work he brought me flowers. This doesn't happen all the time, and it happening today made it extra special. I sat down at the table as the aroma of roses filled my nostrils, staring at my man as he held our baby and just talked to me. I don't even know what he was talking about...it didn't matter. All I could think was "how did I get so blessed?". They both stared at me with their deep blue gray eyes and smiled simultaneously as my eyes filled with tears. They love me like no one on earth ever has, and I feel the same way about them.

I hope you know what this feels like...even though it has nothing to do with feelings at all. It's something that can't be faked or bought. It blows happiness, butterflies and sunny skies out of the water. It has nothing to do with where I am, where I am going, or who goes with me.

It's Joy! Joy unspeakable and full of glory! Joy that brings strength and life and hope!

Happiness is a rollercoaster. Joy is a foundation.

(...more to come...)

London is 12 weeks old!!!

Life has been so great! I got to spend a week in NJ with Londo...he did great on his first plane ride and finally got to meet his pop pop! I had a great time with family and friends, went down the shore with my sissy megan, saw my sissy Lee star in "Anything Goes", and got to see two of my childhood friends marry each other!! So wonderful :)



Last week we have our annual youth conference here at Antioch, and man God moved in some incredible ways!!! Life changing week for everyone involved!

(www.sandbergphoto.blogspot.com)

While I was in Jersey my friend Alicia had her little man Landon! He was born premature due to some complications...and wow, he is such a miracle! I got to see him for a few moments before I left to come back to KC. Please keep him and his parents (Tim & Alicia) in your prayers! He is still in the NICU, but making progress. He needs to get better with his eating before he can come home. Please say a prayer for them whenever you think of it...having your little guy in the NICU all hooked up to things is not easy!!! They want him home so bad! Please pray for this little miracle :)

Time flies!

Well, it has been awhile since I updated! Time flies when you are having fun! (And when you are sleep deprived). London is now 7 weeks old and doing amazingly! He is smiling a lot now, especially when I go in his room in the morning. I am not an early morning person, but that smile makes getting up early so worth it! He sleeps between 5-6 hours a night too, which he has been doing since he was 4 weeks. What a blessing!

That's just a quick little update...I have some thoughts brewing in my mind for a longer post, but they aren't quite formulated yet. I will get there!!

3 weeks

Well, London has been home for 2 weeks and is 3 weeks old! I can't figure out if the time has gone fast or feels like an eternity. I suppose it depends on the moment at which I am trying to figure it out lol.
Anyway, last week my mom was in town. She loved being here and I loved her being here! (I got to SLEEP!) Now my sister Megan is here and we are loving that! I have been sick since Sunday...doesn't seem to be getting better since I don't get much time to rest. But...I am doing the best I can!

I don't know what else to say...London is healthy and happy :) so...I'll just post some pics since that's what everyone really wants anyway!after his first real bath...which he loved!

with his grandmom :)getting ready to go to church on SundayI feel like he has grown so much in this last week!!"west side!" he totally did this on his own...and aunt megan has her camera phone ready!

Miracles

London is 2 weeks old today! I have been reflecting on what a miracle he is...the transformations he has made in just two weeks. The nurse called the other day after running his tests and said there was no need for anymore home health care because he is so healthy and normal! He had his first check up at the Dr. yesterday and there is nothing to be concerned about! What a miracle! It comes as no surprise to me...my family has seen its fair share of miracles. My life is certainly one of them.

See, I wasn't "supposed" to be born. My mom had a miscarriage just months before getting pregnant with me. It's no accident that things happened the way they did...I have known my whole life that I had purpose on this earth. I am thankful for my brother or sister who didn't make it so that I could. I have always felt like I couldn't waste my life knowing someone died for me to live. (Technically we should all be living this way since this has happened for us all...but that's a whole other thought train)

My dad always called me his "miracle baby" for this reason, and also because my dad nearly died before I was born. He had a triple bypass surgery and developed a staff infection that put him very close to dying.

My sister Megan wasn't "supposed" to live. She was born with a rare condition that didn't allow her to digest food. She would projectile vomit everything that went down. Basically she would have starved to death without surgery. The surgery to correct her condition had just been developed in January of that year. She was born in June.

My dad was a Pastor at an inner city church when I was young. We saw so many miracles during that time you would not even believe some of them unless you had been there to see it yourself.

The year my parents divorced my dad had a massive stroke. I will never forget waking up that morning to a message on the answering machine from a police officer telling my sister and I what had happened. His entire left side was paralyzed, his speech was slurred, and they were telling us his brain was very damaged. We got to the hospital about an hour after it had happened and he was already wiggling his toes and speaking some. The doctors didn't understand how it was possible. They moved him to a hospital in downtown Philadelphia, and when my sister and I got there to see him in his room he wasn't there. We started to panic because we thought he had died...until we saw him up walking the halls. The dr's didn't understand how it was possible. But we did.

3 years ago this June I saw another miracle in the form most people wouldn't call a "miracle". My brother Ross passed away from kidney and liver failure due to a life of drugs and alcohol. I know how that sounds...some miracle, right? Here's the thing...sometimes our miracle doesn't come the way we think it should. Death doesn't seem like a miracle to us...but my brother's death certainly was. Here was a man who had spent his life on wasting things, things that destroyed him both physically, emotionally and spiritually. In his last few weeks of life my dad didn't leave his side. He had so many spiritual awakenings during that time, and gave what was left of his life over to Christ. He didn't want to sit in the hospital and just die. He wanted to make a difference while he still could. He told my dad how he felt he had wasted everything and didn't know how he could do anything for God now. My dad challenged him "before you leave this hospital tonight, go tell everyone on this floor about Jesus". So my brother, frail and dying, went to every room that night and witnessed to everyone he met. He reached more people for Christ in that night than most of us do in our lifetime. My brother was a miracle.

My London is a miracle. It's amazing to see already the joy and strength he brings to people. It seems he was a little pillar of strength in that NICU. Both to the nurses and the other babies. The baby next to him had made some major improvements since he has been there. I love my little miracle. And even if things went totally in reverse tonight... if all his levels dropped...he would still be my miracle.

Living when you aren't supposed to isn't the only thing that makes a life a miracle. It's not about the number of years we "outlive" our projected number. It's the things we do for God and others that make miracles happen. I just want to encourage anyone who is reading this - in case no one has ever told you before...YOU ARE A MIRACLE! Your life is not by chance! Someone died so you could live - don't waste your miracle life!